May 12
2

Motivation Monday: Who Are You?

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whoareyou
Who are you?
There are moments in every life when true change occurs
Moments when the road winds
When battle lines are crossed
When the heart breaks
Moments when you realize that life is not what you expected it was going to be
When you’re no longer able to maintain the facade you’ve created
When inside of you, the vulnerable and the authentic
Accidentally intersect
Many of you who have been to my lectures have heard me ask the question, “Who are you?”
If you had permission to be who you truly are
What would you look like?
Who are you when you lay down your weapons?
Who are you when no one is watching?
Who are you in the unguarded moments?
If you’ve ever wondered about all the different and possible answers that exist, here’s something interesting. It’s a string of pearls fished out of the Denver Public Library by Freddy Bosco. This list is made up entirely of book titles taken from the card catalog…book titles that begin with the word “You.”
Happy reading!
You all want something. You Americans. You among the stars.
You are as young as your spine. You are born to victory. You are earnestly requested to meet.
You are extraordinary. You are happy. You are my friends.
You are never alone. You are not the target. You are what you eat.
You are younger than you think. You be the judge. You broke my dream.
You can always tell a fisherman. You can be a better cook than mama ever was. You can be a plumber.
You can be happily married. You can be healed. You can become the person you want to be.
You can build your own sailboat. You can change the world. You can communicate with the unseen world.
You can conquer. You can cope. You can die laughing.
You can do anything with crepes. You can do it. You can do it from a wheelchair.
You can fight for your life. You can find God. You can fix it.
You can get there from here. You can get what you want if you find it within yourself. You can have what you say.
You can learn to fly. You can live cheaply in the Canaries. You can live longer than you think.
You can make your own gloves. You can master life. You can own a business.
You can see a lot standing under a flare in the Republic of Vietnam. You can start all over. You can stop.
You can survive any financial disaster. You can train your cat. You can vote.
You can win. You can win a scholarship. You can wreck it.
You can’t be an immigrant twice. You can’t beat the hours. You can’t catch me.
You can’t do business with Hitler. You can’t eat magnolias. You can’t eat peanuts in church.
You can’t have your kayak and heat it. You can’t make me if I don’t want to. You can’t pet a possum.
You can’t steal first base. You can’t tell a man by the song he sings. You can’t turn the clock back.
You come, too. You could live if they let you. You could look it up.
You go your way. You got to live. You got to stay happy.
You know I can’t hear you when the water’s running. You learn by living. You live as you breathe.
You may cross examine. You may safely graze. You must break out sometimes.
You must relax. You must see Canada. You mustn’t weep, it’s Yom Tov.
You need help, Charlie Brown. You need never walk alone. You never can tell.
You only live twice. You read to me, I’ll read to you. You rolling river.
You shall be as gods. You should start sooner. You still can’t eat Mt. Rainier.
You, the jury. You, the person you want to be. You, too, are a believer.
You touched me. You wore the big shoe. You were the princess last time.
You will go to the moon. You will live under the sea. You will never be the same.
You will survive your death.
Who are you?
May 09
2

Podcast: Life is Sweet

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“We are all living with AIDS.” That’s what the scrap of paper hanging from my fridge reminds me everyday. Natalie Merchant’s song “Life is Sweet” reminds me that life is sweet too. The decision to see it one way or the other is wholly mine each day. And yours.
 
I am not here to judge, but only to listen to your story and to share mine.
 
This episode was recorded in front of a live audience in Boulder, CO in the summer of 2002.
 

May 08
1

Thoughtful Thursday: Shoutouts!

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Shoutouts1
I love to hear back about how my talks have effected you or your teens. For example, here’s a very sweet note from a mom who wrote me after she heard me speak:
Thank you so much, Scott. My son heard you speak at school today. He was so incredibly moved by you, your story and your talk. I heard all about it in the car on the way home after swim practice. Your talk provoked such a beautiful and intimate discussion between us. I can’t remember the details of our conversation but racing up the FDR in the dark I was moved to tears — by the love you shared with those children, by the way you and your message opened Nicholas’ heart and also by the gratitude I felt that he could share his thoughts and experience with me. Thank you so much.
If you’d like to send me your story or just say hello, I’ve set up a simple way to do that here –
http://scottfriedblog.com/shoutouts/
I look forward to getting a shoutout from YOU!
May 07
1

Teens Speak Out: May 7

Posted by | Teens Speak Out Wednesday | 2,667 Comments
Condoms
Name:
Confused and Lonely
Age:
13
Who Are You?
I don’t really know.
Whose arms do you fall into?
At the end of the day, no one’s. I don’t have anyone who really understands me.
What is the one miracle you are waiting for?
To find someone who loves me and someone that I can tell them everything: the big things and the little things.
What is your weapon?
Myself, I always put myself down.
Whom do you miss the most?
I miss my friend. When I switched schools, our relationship kind of died. I would love to be friends with her again.
What are you scared of?
At the end of the day, I’ll have no one who loves me.
What is your favorite memory?
It’s not a specific memory, but at camp. You actually came to my camp, Gindling Hilltop Camp. I feel like I’m close to finding myself there more than anywhere else.
When was the last time God spoke to you and what did He say?
He gave me the treat of going to camp.
What words are you holding onto in your pockets?
The ones you gave me. All the wisdom and advice and opinions you shared with us, I hope I’ll never forget.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
The advice you gave us.
What advice would you give to your parents that will help them in raising you?
To listen to me, but don’t suffocate me. Give me space, but don’t separate yourself from me. I will always love you, despite what I may give off. It hurts when you yell at me, and I’ll never be perfect like Erica. I am my own person and you have to accept that.
Is there sometimes an emptiness inside you and what does it feel like?
There is an emptiness inside of me. It feels like I might collapse, that I might break. It happens when my parents are disappointed in me, or I disappoint myself, mostly.
Are you enough?
If it’s a good day, I’ll look in the mirror and smile at myself. But most of the time I’m not happy with who I am. Maybe because my parents and grandparents always try to improve me, trying to make my lose weight.
May 06
1

Topic Tuesday: Condoms

Posted by | Topic Tuesday | 5,904 Comments
Condoms
Condoms.
I got infected with HIV because I didn’t use one.
Below is a great post from goaskalice.columbia.edu about the different types of condoms.
Oh, and if you’re looking for the safest condoms on the market, check out this link to Consumer Reports’ most recent survey:
Happy reading.
Condoms are made from different materials — latex, lambskin, polyurethane, and also a new material called polyisoprene. Latex condoms are some of the most widely available and among the least expensive. The market offers several brands, each coming in a variety of sizes, colors, textures, shapes, and even flavors. Some are already coated with the spermicide Nonoxynol-9 (N-9), but this slight amount has been found to be inadequate in protecting against pregnancy. Additionally, research no longer promotes the use of N-9 as it may facilitate HIV transmission.
Polyisoprene condoms are the newest condom option on the market. Ideal for people allergic to latex or polyurethane, polyisoprene condoms have a soft natural feel that conforms to the skin similarly to latex. Some claim polyisoprene condoms are more comfortable than latex; you’ll have to experiment as a couple to find which material suits your groove the best. Right now polyisoprene condoms are sold in the United States by LifeStyles (SKYN) and Durex (Avanti Bare) brands.
Polyurethane condoms have long been the go-to for those with latex allergies. But even with the new polyisoprene condom on the market, polyurethane may still be a great choice for lots of couples. Compared to latex, polyurethane condoms are thinner and stronger, and tend to have a less constricting fit. Polyurethane condoms also transfer heat more efficiently, which some say increases pleasure.
Unlike other condoms, the non-latex variety are available in male and female versions. Worn by women, the female condom is a nitrile (synthetic rubber) sheath that’s inserted into a vagina up to eight hours before intercourse. Adding extra water-based lube helps increase comfort and decrease noise. (Note: female condoms should not to be used together with male condoms.) Check out What is a female condom? in the Go Ask Alice! archive for more information about this method. Both latex and non-latex condoms provide comparable protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). And while they also offer comparable pregnancy protection, non-latex are pricier than latex condoms.
Lambskin condoms, in contrast, are made from the oldest material on the market — the intestinal membrane of a lamb. Small pores make lambskin condoms ineffective in protecting against viruses that cause STIs. But they do protect against pregnancy, since the pores are too small for sperm to pass through. Lambskin supposedly has a more “natural” feel than latex and polyurethane, although the verdict is still out on how they stack up to polyisoprene condoms in this department.
All four male condom types offer the same statistical effectiveness against pregnancy, which is your primary concern. Contraceptive Technology estimates that only two percent of couples who consistently and correctly use male condoms will experience failure in the first year of usage. Female condoms have a probability of pregnancy of five percent, which still makes them quite an effective method of pregnancy prevention. The safest route in avoiding an unexpected pregnancy is to use a combination of hormonal birth control and a backup method, such as using male condoms. When using condoms alone, correct and consistent use will maximize their intended efficacy to keep you from getting pregnant. Check out How to Use a Condom Properly in the Go Ask Alice! archive for refreshers on expert condom protocol.
All five condom options — male latex, polyisoprene, polyurethane, and lambskin condoms as well as the female condom — offer similar protection against pregnancy. Other factors that could figure into your choice might include your budget, availability, how they feel, willingness to experiment, and animal rights convictions. Have fun trying them out!

DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this post is intended to inform readers and is not intended to replace specific advice from a health care professional.

May 05
1

Motivation Monday: The Things I Learn From People on Airplanes

Posted by | Motivation Monday | 4,783 Comments
Paper Plane

Days are scrolls: write on them what you want to be remembered.

-Bahya ibn Pakuda Hovot HaLevavot

One of these days, I’m going to write that new book entitled, “Things I Learn From People on Airplanes.” Some of the deepest and most salient sentences I’ve ever heard have been stated by someone buckled into a seat next to me at 32,000 feet above the earth.One seat mate told me, “Children don’t lie to their parents because they want to lie. They lie because they want to protect their parents or protect themselves from upsetting their parents.”
Another said, “God provides food for everyone. WE get to distribute it.”
And a third instructed, “If you’re gonna have a mistress, just make sure she’s on another continent.”
But perhaps my favorite quote in the sky came from an attorney who conducts trials in Geneva for war-crime tribunals. He looked over my shoulder and out the window over Vancouver as he said, “We write our histories with war.”
I thought to myself: “He’s got a point!”
But then again, if days are like scrolls, how else can we we write the story of our lives?
How do we want to be remembered?
By collecting other peoples prayers and promises…
By noticing the quality of your days…
By facing your fears…
With good deeds…
With forgiveness…
With song…
Courtesy, Kindess, Justice and Love
This week, if you could write your history, which words would you choose?
May 02
1

Podcast: Abstinence

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Every lesson on safer sex must touch upon both physical and emotional safety. In keeping with that theme, today’s podcast is about abstinence. It’s a short but sweet message on establishing guidelines to safety and personal power. Take a listen.

 

Apr 30
1

Teens Speak Out: April 30

Posted by | Teens Speak Out Wednesday | 5,840 Comments
Enough3
Name:
Lost In Art
Age:
13
Who Are You?


I’m am a girl. You talked at my Jewish Camp and it really touched me.
Whose arms do you fall into?


My friend, Sophie. She’s extremely loyal and is really nice.
What is the one miracle you are waiting for?
I’m just waiting for something amazing to happen to me.
Whom do you miss the most?


I miss my best friend from my old school. We were really close, but now we rarely talk.
What are you scared of?

I’m scared of being alone, mostly: my friends and family not loving me.
What is your favorite memory?


It’s not a particular memory, just being at camp. It’s my actual home, where I can be myself.
When was the last time God spoke to you and what did He say?


At camp, I asked Him to make something unforgettable happen. He didn’t make one thing in particular amazing, but instead gave me the gift of being at camp.
What words are you holding onto in your pockets?


The words that you said to us: Things Don’t Happen For a Reason. Things Happen and Then There’s a Reason.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?


Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter
What advice would you give to your parents that will help them in raising you?
Be there for me, but don’t smother me. If I need help or advice, I will come to you, but you need to be there for me.
Is there sometimes an emptiness inside you and what does it feel like?


There is an emptiness inside me. I feel like nothing’s in my stomach and my heart feels like it’s breaking.
Are you enough?
I don’t think I am. When I look in the mirror, I don’t always love what I see back.
Apr 29
1

Topic Tuesday: What’s Chlamydia?

Posted by | Topic Tuesday | 7,919 Comments
Chlamydia
I was recently asked to present at a conference of teens teaching other teens about STIs. While I was impressed with the few students who led the workshops, I was saddened to see the lack of basic STI knowledge in the rest of the student body.
Many of you have told me that you don’t have health classes in school. Some of you who have taken health have told me that you’re not learning enough facts that will keep you safe. With the absence of comprehensive sexual health education in too many schools today, some teens search for answers online.
Please beware: some of what’s out there may not be correct or useful information.
BUT…I’m here to help guide you in the right direction!
Here’s a great post on chlamydia that IS useful! It’s from KidsHealth.org. And here’s the full link, if you want to search through their site:
What is it?
Chlamydia (pronounced: kluh-MID-ee-uh) is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by bacteria called Chlamydia trachomatis. Although you may not be familiar with its name, chlamydia is one of the most common STDs. Because there often aren’t any symptoms, though, lots of people can have chlamydia and not know it.
The bacteria can move from one person to another through sexual intercourse, and possibly through oral-genital contact. If someone touches bodily fluids that contain the bacteria and then touches his or her eye, a chlamydial eye infection (chlamydial conjunctivitis) is possible. Chlamydia also can be passed from a mother to her baby while the baby is being delivered. This can cause pneumonia and conjuntivitis, which can become very serious for the baby if it’s not treated. You can’t catch chlamydia from a towel, doorknob, or toilet seat.
How Does a Girl Know She Has It?
It can be difficult for a girl to know whether she has chlamydia because most girls don’t have any symptoms. Because of this, it’s very important to see a doctor at least once a year if you are sexually active. Your doctor can tell you about how to test for chlamydia, even if you don’t have any symptoms.
Much less often, symptoms are present and may cause an unusual vaginal discharge or pain during urination. Some girls with chlamydia also have pain in their lower abdomens, pain during sexual intercourse, or bleeding between menstrual periods. Sometimes a chlamydia infection can cause a mild fever, muscle aches, or headache.
How Does a Guy Know He Has It?
A guy can also have a difficult time recognizing that he has chlamydia and should be tested by a doctor at least once a year if he is sexually active.
When symptoms are there, guys may have a discharge from the tip of the penis (the urethra — where urine comes out), or itching or burning sensations around the penis. Rarely, the testicles may become swollen. Many times, a guy with chlamydia may have few or no symptoms, so he might not even know he has it.
When Do Symptoms Appear?
Someone who has contracted chlamydia may see symptoms a week later. In some people, the symptoms take up to 3 weeks to appear, and many people never develop any symptoms. 75% of women and 50% of men will show no symptoms.
What Can Happen?
If left untreated in girls, chlamydia can cause an infection of the urethra (where urine comes out) and inflammation (swelling and soreness caused by the infection) of the cervix. It can also lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which is an infection of the uterus, ovaries, and/or fallopian tubes. PID can cause infertility and ectopic (tubal) pregnancies later in life.
If left untreated in guys, chlamydia can cause inflammation of the urethra and epididymis (the structure attached to the testicle that helps transport sperm).
How Is It Treated?
If you think you may have chlamydia or if you have had a partner who may have chlamydia, you need to see your family doctor, adolescent doctor, or gynecologist. Some local health clinics, such as Planned Parenthood, can also test and treat people for chlamydia.
If the infection occurs through vaginal or anal intercourse, doctors usually diagnose chlamydia by testing a person’s urine or taking a tissue sample from the anus or the vagina. If the infection occurs through oral sex, doctors will take a culture from the back of the throat, whether or not there are symptoms.
If you have been exposed to chlamydia or are diagnosed with chlamydia, the doctor will prescribe antibiotics, which should clear up the infection in 7 to 10 days.
Anyone with whom you’ve had sex will also need to be tested and treated for chlamydia because that person may be infected but not have any symptoms. This includes any sexual partners in the last 2 months or your last sexual partner if it has been more than 2 months since your last sexual experience. It is very important that someone with a chlamydia infection abstain from having sex until they and their partner have been treated.
If a sexual partner has chlamydia, quick treatment will reduce his or her risk of complications and will lower your chances of being reinfected if you have sex with that partner again. (You can become infected with chlamydia again even after you have been treated because having chlamydia does not make you immune to it.)
It’s better to prevent chlamydia than to treat it, and the only way to completely prevent the infection is to abstain from all types of sexual intercourse. If you do have sex, use a latex condom every time. This is the only birth control method that will help prevent chlamydia.
Reviewed by: Nicole A. Green, MD
Date reviewed: March 2013

DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this post is intended to inform readers and is not intended to replace specific advice from a health care professional.